Man: (on the phone) Is this the "Help Desk"?
Dogbert: (on the phone, wearing a headset) No, that group got reengineered out of existence. I'm the new "no help whatsoever desk." My job is to make sure you never call again.
Man: Can you tell me how to make a pie chart?
Dogbert: Crush your computer into small chunks, add flour and bake one hour. While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named "Manual." Repeat the process until you get the desired result.
Man: (sitting in front of oven, manual in hand) This lost a lot in the translation...
Ahhhh, Dogbert. Cheeky puppy.